experiment under water

Ages ago I got a little 8mp vivitar under water video camera, not used it till now.  This is my experiment in underwater filming, I LOVE the outcome, it's definitely something I want to do more of for my final piece.  I found the perfect accompanying music on freemusicarchive.org which allows you to download, edit and use the music as long as you attribite it.  If you are reading this in an email I know you wont see the video, go to the blog and its on the video/performance page.

Bride prices - marriage & property

I work with LGBT asylum seekers who are from countries where being gay is criminalised.  I was going through one woman’s statement with her and asked her what it meant that she was “got” at a “knock down price”.  She explained to me that after being caught in school with her lover she was beaten and expelled, her father also beat her and she was kept a prisoner in the home just carrying out domestic chores - all because she is a lesbian.

Her father ‘found’ her a husband who was ‘willing’ to take her on, he was many years older than her; she was told she should be grateful that anyone would have her.  Because she was such a bad deal, the price the man’s family had to pay to her family was virtually nothing. She was forced into marriage and faced regular rape and beatings until she escaped to Britain.

I’ve met so many women who have been forced into marriage, sold off from father to husband; for them marriage is a prison, a constant torture.  The whole romantic notion of marriage for love is historically a relatively new phenomenon.  Historically marriage is more about controlling a woman’s sexuality (e.g. ensuring paternity through exclusive sexual access to one man) or about power and control (e.g. bringing together families for reasons of money or status).  It was in the 12^th Century that woman were obliged to take the name of their husband.

A bride price is an amount of money, property or wealth paid by the groom or his family to the parents of a woman upon the marriage of their daughter to the groom. The agreed bride price is generally intended to reflect the perceived value of the girl or young woman.

I can’t help but balk at the whole idea of marriage, I know for some it works and it has financial and practical benefits; but I can’t get away from the history and the implications, the fact that women still give up their name for their husbands (now through choice rather than necessity) and the competition to have the biggest, most expensive wedding is just repellent to me.  The fact that now gay marriage is being vaunted as the highest state of being for gay couples is really annoying, while I support the right to marry, I do not consider it an appealing thing!

All of this imbues ‘the wedding dress’ with so much symbolism and meaning.  In traveller communities the size of the dress seems to correspond directly to how much value is placed on the young woman getting married.  It seems that for all women entering marriage ‘the dress’ is one of the most important aspects of the process, why is this? 

Projection materials test

Today I did a test projection on different white materials, i was really excited by the results, none were disappointing, all gave an interesting effect so Ive decided to just use all the white material I have - saves money and should produce an interesting 'broken up' effect.

The best thing though was the projection onto the wedding dress - I loved it, I projected a couple of videos I had made before, then I had the idea of projecting a wedding onto the wedding dress so found some footage of the wills/kate royal wedding - I think it looks fantastic and I'm excited again about this whole project.

I have to give a nod to Pipilotti Rist here because when I saw her 'eyeball massage' exhibition at the Hayward, I was fascinated by her enormous collection of white goods which she gathered over years to project on to.  Also how all encompassing and immersive the whole experience of her work was, I loved that.

Here are the two materials test video's (they are also on the video page of my blog if you cant see them here)

Jeremy Deller: Joy In People

Jeremy Deller: Joy in People at the Hayward

I went to this exhibition with cynical expectations.  I had seen the excellent Culture Show Documentary on Deller which left me feeling slightly uneasy about his work. My impression was of a very nice, extremely middle class white man whose work boiled down to an attempt to make everyone middle class or to take the sting, pain and power out of people in order to make them more acceptable to middle class values. Honestly, I think I wanted to hate this exhibition, truth is I came out with more confusion and uncertainty than anything else.

On the Culture Show Documentary, I quite liked that Deller's art consisted of creating situations, collaborations and happenings; I could see that being involved in one of his events, from ex miners to Manchester steel bands, was exciting and enjoyable, but I was still slightly uneasy.  In the same way I feel that men painting female nudes should always be questioned and looked at in the context of understanding the power imbalance - I feel that Dellers work requires the same questioning.   The question I was left with, was how do I feel about a white middle class man who's had a privileged upbringing (he went to the prestigious independent boys school Dulwich College) making the subject of his work working class communities and struggle?

The initial parts of Dellers exhibition were  tedious, the re-creation of his bedroom left me cold beyond a kind of twinge of voyeuristic excitement at opening the various cupboards and looking under his bed.  Mostly I just thought, well this is kind of like my bedroom is now (if much neater) and many other people I know - so what’s so special about it??  Likewise, the Manic street Preachers tributes - teenage angst and bad drawings; maybe you had to be a fan to get it.  Installing Valerie’s cafe in the gallery was a stroke of brilliance, a humorous touch that actually encouraged interaction and discussion, turning passive viewers into active participants.

I know Ed Hall, the man who makes all of Jeremy Dellers banners, for years he has made banners for free for the organisation I'm part of (Movement for Justice) as well as many family campaigns; banners made for people who have been killed by the police, banners made following the bombing of Brixton, Brick Lane and Soho by fascist David Copeland (striking the hearts of the black, Asian and gay communities in London), somehow Dellers 'engineered' slogans on banners annoyed me - banners are an important and historic part of struggles for freedom, equality, justice and workers rights - Dellers banners are banners for the middle classes - void of the real meaning and history.

I've been known to say that Tracey Emins recent retrospective at the Hayward had spoiled all future exhibitions for me, that the raw emotion I experienced viewing her work (I cried at several points) has never since been replicated.  I did cry twice at Dellers exhibition, firstly at the Miners strike room and secondly at the bombed Iraqi car.  He had done a good job of telling the story of the miners strike and collecting the voices and experiences of those involved.  His display didn't shy away from the fact that it was a systematic and brutal attack by Thatchers government with the aim of destroying the unions by attacking their strongest point, the miners.  Its impossible not to visit that time and feel the emotion, pain and pride of the time.  I only remember the miners strike through the eyes of a very young child, scattered memories and impressions; but its something that shaped for better or worse many people I know and its impact is still felt in the workers movement today.  Likewise, its impossible to stand next to the crushed, rusted and blasted apart remains of an Iraqi car without feeling.... something; personally I felt extreme sadness.

The emotion in these two instances was not the same as what I experienced with the Emin exhibition.  There it was a visceral connection to the artist, here it was more like visiting a museum collection. 

My absolute favourite thing was Dellers most recent work the 3D bats - this was an overwhelming visual experience you have to experience to understand.

Overall I'd say this exhibition is worth a visit for the fact that it is an interesting mixture of art, documentary, humour and personality.  However, I'm still not convinced and continue to be annoyed!

In terms of its relevance to my final piece and the themes I'm exploring, its not much.  I did think that the feeling evoked by the 3D bats was one I aspire to, a sense of wonder and being immersed in an experience.

The death of plan A, B & C...

My original plan for filming on the beach was to wear my 50's swing dress, that had to be scratched because Ive put on so much weight since starting taking steroids for my Sarcoid that it no longer fits.

Then I thought about an anonymous coverall, one of those papery things with hoods that they wear in forensic investigations - this also had to be scrapped because I couldn't find one big enough in time for being in Wales.

So I went with a white hoodie and mask - anonymous.

That would have been fine if when I got to wales I had of thought of the tides, our first trip to the beach you could barely see the sea.

Returning early next morning to Coney beach, Porthcawl, the conditions were perfect.  But as sods law ensures, I spent many minutes filming in and out of the water, freezing my feet off only to realise that though the super 8 camera sounded as though it was working, it in fact, wasn't moving the film at all.  After another period of time trying to fix said camera, we gave up and just took a couple of pictures and a very short film with my little digital compact camera (just to prove that I was there, did try and my tale of woe is true).

I also didn't get to make a test run of one of my projection boxes at my brother and his wife's workshop as they were too busy and I was too run down by all the back and forth to the beach (I also wasn't very well).

All in all, a very unproductive Easter break, though I did see the Jeremy Deller exhibition, wrote up some blog entries and did a projection materials test so it wasn't a total waste.

If I cant get the Super 8 camera working soon I'll have to scrap the Super 8 filming idea because I wont have time to send the film away for processing.  Looks like there will have to be many more plans before this piece comes together.

Here is the little video from the beach (its also on the video/performance page)

The Wedding Dress...

As I think I mentioned in an earlier post, I bought a wedding dress. I think the thought must have been sparked by the numerous women I know who are getting hitched; somehow its entered my system, that childhood urge to posses THE dress. 

Let me be absolutely clear, I have no intention of getting married or entering into a 'civil partnership', I don't feel the need and never have done.  However THE DRESS is another question altogether, something that has haunted me on and off since childhood.  I never got to be a bridesmaid and this was something that made me very sad as a child, I loved the big pouffy white and pastel dresses that weddings forced people to wear - when on earth apart from a wedding would you wear such a thing.  Even now I watch programmes like 'dont tell the bride' and get all teary eyed when the woman tries on the dress. Ridiculous I know, it has to represent some deep seated conflict or programming (I was brought up catholic) or maybe even a sense of loss; I don't know and would probably need to enter therapy to find out!

A wedding dress symbolises so much and means so much to so many women and historically; from the symbolism of white representing purity and virginity (essential in a bride) to the loss of individual self hood (or I'm sure some would see it as a gaining of partnership).  Ive been fascinated by the 'big fat gypsy wedding' series, the enormous production and size of the dress bear a direct relationship to the fact that getting married is THE major life change for traveller women, most of whom do not study or work outside of the home.

For me, on the theme of this project, a wedding dress symbolises a loss of freedom - though I'm aware that others will not feel that way about a wedding dress.  This means its something I have to think further on as to whether I will use it or not.

The dress Ive bought (for the bargain price of £25) is not one I'll ever wear (I could probably fit one calf in to it).  I picked it because it was a simple tulle skirt that I thought would make an excellent projection screen.

Watch this space for projection experimentation on the dress.....

Lips and facial hair...

I'm fascinated by the subject of hair and women, how it is deemed disgusting, dirty, ugly etc to have excessive hair anywhere but on your head.  At the same time, hair on our heads is seen as key to sexual attraction and success, woman spend millions every year on hair care and hair removal - whats it all about? where does it come from? Why the big deal?

Women who dare to bear their under arm hair are vilified and while some woman secretly salute those women's bravery, they would never be able to replicate it.  In the women's movement of the 60's/70's body hair became a prime battle ground with proud, strong women throwing away the razors and defying anyone to challenge them.

Personally my relationship to body hair is conflicted, at times I let the hair grow free at other times I religiously remove it.  Since having to take steroids for an immune system disorder my facial hair has gone wild, growing in all its luxurious curliness!  I find myself stroking my upper lip hair when deep in thought or pulling it when nervous.  I don't feel the need to please men but I'm aware that women are the harshest critics of women with body hair.  I've had no direct negative comments as of yet, about my facial growth, mostly people studiously ignore it - I don't know if I'm pleased or not, I almost want someone to comment negatively on it so that I can throw back a  stunning retort!

Hence my attempt to draw bold and confident attention to the issue, Ive done some test shots of me applying lipstick in an increasingly manic manner - extreme closeups that put my facial hair centre stage.  I'm not sure they will work on a larger projection and I'd need to film it more systematically with better lighting in a studio for maximum effect.  I like the contrast between the extreme femininity of bright red lipstick and the so called masculinity of my facial hair. 

Ive been pondering whether or not to shave my head and film it..... but that's for another time!

(if you cant see the video here, look at the video/performance page of my blog)