My final video edit...

PCS evaluation

It’s strange writing this evaluation before installing my work, it means this is more of an evaluation of the journey and process I’ve been through than the final outcome.  I like that.

I think the final evaluation of my sculpture/installation should be in the response of those who view it.  I can look at my final piece and evaluate how well I met my aims or how it feels in my opinion; but what’s important for me is whether it communicates to, provokes or gives pleasure to others.

What’s been most interesting about this process has been how my own psychology and physical limitations have interfered in my work, determining which direction I took.  I started out full of ideas, energy and with a determination to capture a sense of freedom.  I thought my main focus would be on producing a film when in fact the film became much less important than the space and the sculpture itself.  Partly, this relegation of the film was through practical roadblocks like the malfunction of my Super 8 camera; partly, it was my health ruling out the travelling and complications of pursuing some of my other film ideas. 

These are all things I was able to document in my online blog about the journey as it was happening.  For me, an online blog made sense; my artwork is informed and shaped by my thinking and experiences, writing is how I explore these; through writing (and reading) my work takes shape and ideas become concrete.  I completed 20 entries since 21^st March 2012, a mixture of ideas, ruminations, video experiments, interviews, plans and photographs. It has been fascinating reading back through my own words; it has triggered little realisations and thoughts about my work.

One of those realisations comes from the very start of my blog when I wrote a piece based on my original statement of intent called ‘what’s it about?’ In it I said “I will be exploring these issues in relation to myself, my body, and my surroundings.  I will think about questions of sexism, the bonds of expectation and what a woman ‘should’ be or ‘should’ do.” This was more prophetic than I realised at the time, what started as a somewhat abstract idea became painfully real to me; this work has become all about me, my body and my relationship to physical surroundings – how I navigate the stormy waters of degenerating health and the accompanying depression, how I can make my ideas reality within my limitations and my anger at having to do so.  I don’t know if it makes my work stronger or weaker, it just is what it is; attempting to ignore my physical limitations and depression in my work would be like trying to ignore the elephant sitting on my chest.

I attended many exhibitions and considered many artists in the course of this work but I think that three come through strongly in my final piece.  Firstly, Josiah McElheny’s exhibition at the Whitechapel was clearly what solidified and gave direction to my desire to project onto something more than a flat white wall.  It was his wood frames, constructed at angles and combining with mirrors which endlessly refracted the films being projected which inspired me to create my ‘moveable projection screen sculpture’.  This was at a point when I did not know the space I would be in and wanted something that could fit in any space in many different configurations. 

Secondly Bill Violas ‘Five Angels’ can be seen in my fascination for underwater filming and editing.  I went through in my blog why my fascination with water and desire to use it in this piece.  As I’m writing this now I have yet to edit the raw footage I captured of me underwater in my bath.  I’m slightly nervous as to how it turns out because I have no fall back plan or at least only the shadow of a fall back plan. 

Finally I have to mention Tracey Emin in relation to my patchwork carpet; when I came up with the idea I was very aware the image that flashed into my mind was of Emin’s needlework blankets.  When I saw her retrospective at the Hayward Gallery I really didn’t enjoy her collection of blankets, it wasn’t until I had done further research into the feminism/craft/art relationship that I started to appreciate them.  I wanted my carpet fragments to be roughly sewn together with large slashes of violent red, disrupting the ‘comforting’ nature of carpet; I was aware of these red slashes hinting at self-harm, though I think that would be a reference only those who had experienced self-harm might see. 

At one point early on I wrote “my worst nightmare is being trapped in one of those little corner spaces squeezed into the limited space that we have here in the college for our exhibition”, as it happened I ended up wanting to be squeezed into a space.  I wanted those viewing my work to experience a sense of the physical limitation I feel all the time.  I did worry somewhat that instead of an expansive and uplifting experience, I would be subjecting people to something that was not either visually interesting or obviously meaningful.  I hope that when I install my work I will resolve that worry.

I should mention the aspect of my installation that I am least certain will technically work on installation day.  I plan to use an old camcorder hooked up to an old TV monitor.  The camera will either be facing the projection or facing outwards, towards the viewer.  What is captured will be transmitted to my TV on a plinth outside the space.  I’m determined to make this work somehow as I love the idea of ‘me, watching you, watching me’ of the viewer becoming a part of the work.  The other option is the TV monitor outside will show what those who manage to get into the space will be seeing, the projection.  I’m aware that not everyone will be able to crouch down and enter the space to watch the projection, in a sense that’s part of my point, it’s about disability, ability, exclusion and inclusion.

I had to resolve and overcome countless difficulties with my materials and process throughout my work; from realising that I was not physically capable of cutting the wood I needed (my solution was to buy my wood pre-cut) to my non-functioning Super 8 camera (necessitating a change in direction).  I have had and rejected many ideas, from my lip hair fascination to my wedding dress diversion.  I have had the absolute highs of being accepted on the BA Sculpture course at Camberwell to the absolute lows of not knowing how I could possibly be on that course given my health.  It has been a difficult journey but one I am proud of even if everything falls apart on installation day; I know that even if it does I am capable of solving whatever is thrown at me.

  

Thank you and goodnight.

sketching the space

I did an extremely rough sketch of how my piece fits into the space, its for logistical purposes rather than aesthetics!

I have emailed to all the technicians along with my plinth  & tech requirements... in the closing straits now!

Why a patchwork carpet??

I’ve been reading a lot about feminism and art and have been interested in how the feminist movement brought to light the unseen art of so many women, art that was classified as less than ‘real’ fine art and consigned to a dustbin marked ‘craft’.

Women’s artistic production has been historically undervalued and devalued, incredibly intricate work filled with symbolism and meaning would never reach ‘gallery’ status.  Quilting and needlework more generally was one of these areas consigned to ‘less than’ status.

I wanted to put something in the space that made it clear people were invited to bend down and enter the space under the stairs – I didn’t want to have to put a sign up asking people to come in (far too welcoming) or have to hang about my work all night asking people to go in!

It struck me that a carpet would be inviting, but I also wanted to follow through with the dis-jointed, broken up theme which has run throughout the piece.  That’s when I remembered what I’ve been reading about feminism, art, needlework, quilting and thought why not use that and make a patchwork carpet.  This would be sufficiently broken up and visually disturbing to fit with my theme, but also invite people into the space.

Sourcing the carpet was tricky given my health, I placed an advert on Freecycle and then trekked to the two people who got back to me – one was a real find, lots of purple and lilac carpet (I was worried all I’d get was beige), the other I’m not sure I’ll use as its nasty browns and has seen better days.  I also went to my local carpet shop and was offered a stack of carpet samples to take away; these were great colours and quality.

I wish my health was up to going to some more carpet shops so i could get a greater variety of colour and pattern, but I’m just keeping my head above water and lots of travelling around, walking and carrying heavy things just isn’t possible at the moment.

Here’s my Freecycle advert…

Physical limitation leads to new direction

When I started this process I was focused on the positive feelings of freedom; uplifting feel-good stuff.  I wanted my work to reflect that feeling; I wanted it to feel like taking a breath by the sea on a beautiful windswept day, like bursting out of the water, like all constraints have lifted.  This was my direction, where my head was at. 

As the months have gone on my feelings have become much darker, much more focused on the restrained, the confined, the tortured and the pained.  This is in direct relation to my physical health, I’ve being going through a real change in how my Sarcoidosis affects me; it used to be I’d have one flare up a year, it would be hell for a couple of months but then I’d be just fine for months before another flare up. Living with the flare ups was made so much easier by the knowledge that there would be an end, that I would feel better.  Since December 2011 my illness has taken a turn for the worse in that I was getting constant low level symptoms with no let up.  Steroids helped but left me open to constant infections and massive weight gain, so in March I started to reduce the steroids to the most minimum level and started taking a new drug - Hydroxychloroquine.

Since March I have been feeling progressively worse and worse, the physical pain and bone crunching fatigue were never ending, I couldn’t see an end point and started to become severely depressed.  Trying to make my wooden screens led to floods of tears as my joints could not stand up to repetitive sawing; the fatigue was so bad that considering the mountain of work I had ahead of me was daunting; I had to scrap lots of my filming ideas because they involved too much travelling and movement, something that would knock me out for days afterwards - alongside all of this I am trying to maintain my job.

My depression got so bad that every time someone would make the innocent inquiry ‘how are you? I would burst in to tears.  I couldn’t conceive how on earth I would be able to do a Fine Art sculpture course while feeling so awful and so physically incapable.

At a certain point I thought to myself it’s crazy to try and continue on this project as if nothing was happening, sticking to my plan.  I decided that I wanted the viewer to experience some of the physical restriction I faced; I wanted them not to feel uplifted but uncomfortable and uneasy. I was going to use my misery and depression rather than fight against it!  That’s how I came up with the idea of using the space under the stairs; it is accessible for some though most will have to physically contort slightly to go inside.  Others may not be able to access it at all, for them there will be a monitor on a plinth showing the projection.

I know it’s a big change in direction but I think it’s still relevant to the theme.  For me, freedom right now would be being healthy, being physically capable of doing everything I wanted to do - in reality I am constrained and limited by my physical health yet I still yearn to breathe free.

These are some of my darker sketchbook doodles...

Deciding against 'The Dress'

I’ve thought long and hard about whether or not to use the wedding dress in my final piece.  Visually, I love the effect produced by projecting onto the dress but I can’t think of a way of using the dress in this piece that makes sense.

The biggest problem is the ambiguity of meaning and symbolism to different people - while I like this and would like to use it at some other time, it just doesn’t fit with what I am exploring in this piece.  ‘Yearning to breathe free’ is pretty unambiguous and I think that throwing a wedding dress into the mix might just confuse and complicate what I’m trying to achieve this time round.

1st May... panic sets in

Its been a while since I last posted, I have two blog entries in progress, one about the Gillian Wearing exhibition, the other ideas on finishes for my wood structure.

Ive been unwell, bogged down with sarcoid fatigue and pain, I managed yesterday to spend some time in the workshop making some rough cuts for my screens, it was hard on me health wise and left me a bit panicked about what I could or could not achieve in the time left.  I have to make 16 boxes, even if I go to the workshop on both Mondays and Wednesdays between now and the end of May I think I'd be hard pressed to get it done.

Ive taken the wood I cut home so I can see whats possible; if I were to cut all the wood at college - could I construct it at home?

I was part of a study the other day where we were looking at Engles 'The Family, Private Property & The State', it got me thinking on my wedding dress and the history of women as property expressed through the continued tradition of bride prices or dowry's - Ive decided this is something I should look into more, will keep you updatedE

Lots of ideas, so little time.

experiment under water

Ages ago I got a little 8mp vivitar under water video camera, not used it till now.  This is my experiment in underwater filming, I LOVE the outcome, it's definitely something I want to do more of for my final piece.  I found the perfect accompanying music on freemusicarchive.org which allows you to download, edit and use the music as long as you attribite it.  If you are reading this in an email I know you wont see the video, go to the blog and its on the video/performance page.

Bride prices - marriage & property

I work with LGBT asylum seekers who are from countries where being gay is criminalised.  I was going through one woman’s statement with her and asked her what it meant that she was “got” at a “knock down price”.  She explained to me that after being caught in school with her lover she was beaten and expelled, her father also beat her and she was kept a prisoner in the home just carrying out domestic chores - all because she is a lesbian.

Her father ‘found’ her a husband who was ‘willing’ to take her on, he was many years older than her; she was told she should be grateful that anyone would have her.  Because she was such a bad deal, the price the man’s family had to pay to her family was virtually nothing. She was forced into marriage and faced regular rape and beatings until she escaped to Britain.

I’ve met so many women who have been forced into marriage, sold off from father to husband; for them marriage is a prison, a constant torture.  The whole romantic notion of marriage for love is historically a relatively new phenomenon.  Historically marriage is more about controlling a woman’s sexuality (e.g. ensuring paternity through exclusive sexual access to one man) or about power and control (e.g. bringing together families for reasons of money or status).  It was in the 12^th Century that woman were obliged to take the name of their husband.

A bride price is an amount of money, property or wealth paid by the groom or his family to the parents of a woman upon the marriage of their daughter to the groom. The agreed bride price is generally intended to reflect the perceived value of the girl or young woman.

I can’t help but balk at the whole idea of marriage, I know for some it works and it has financial and practical benefits; but I can’t get away from the history and the implications, the fact that women still give up their name for their husbands (now through choice rather than necessity) and the competition to have the biggest, most expensive wedding is just repellent to me.  The fact that now gay marriage is being vaunted as the highest state of being for gay couples is really annoying, while I support the right to marry, I do not consider it an appealing thing!

All of this imbues ‘the wedding dress’ with so much symbolism and meaning.  In traveller communities the size of the dress seems to correspond directly to how much value is placed on the young woman getting married.  It seems that for all women entering marriage ‘the dress’ is one of the most important aspects of the process, why is this? 

Projection materials test

Today I did a test projection on different white materials, i was really excited by the results, none were disappointing, all gave an interesting effect so Ive decided to just use all the white material I have - saves money and should produce an interesting 'broken up' effect.

The best thing though was the projection onto the wedding dress - I loved it, I projected a couple of videos I had made before, then I had the idea of projecting a wedding onto the wedding dress so found some footage of the wills/kate royal wedding - I think it looks fantastic and I'm excited again about this whole project.

I have to give a nod to Pipilotti Rist here because when I saw her 'eyeball massage' exhibition at the Hayward, I was fascinated by her enormous collection of white goods which she gathered over years to project on to.  Also how all encompassing and immersive the whole experience of her work was, I loved that.

Here are the two materials test video's (they are also on the video page of my blog if you cant see them here)

Jeremy Deller: Joy In People

Jeremy Deller: Joy in People at the Hayward

I went to this exhibition with cynical expectations.  I had seen the excellent Culture Show Documentary on Deller which left me feeling slightly uneasy about his work. My impression was of a very nice, extremely middle class white man whose work boiled down to an attempt to make everyone middle class or to take the sting, pain and power out of people in order to make them more acceptable to middle class values. Honestly, I think I wanted to hate this exhibition, truth is I came out with more confusion and uncertainty than anything else.

On the Culture Show Documentary, I quite liked that Deller's art consisted of creating situations, collaborations and happenings; I could see that being involved in one of his events, from ex miners to Manchester steel bands, was exciting and enjoyable, but I was still slightly uneasy.  In the same way I feel that men painting female nudes should always be questioned and looked at in the context of understanding the power imbalance - I feel that Dellers work requires the same questioning.   The question I was left with, was how do I feel about a white middle class man who's had a privileged upbringing (he went to the prestigious independent boys school Dulwich College) making the subject of his work working class communities and struggle?

The initial parts of Dellers exhibition were  tedious, the re-creation of his bedroom left me cold beyond a kind of twinge of voyeuristic excitement at opening the various cupboards and looking under his bed.  Mostly I just thought, well this is kind of like my bedroom is now (if much neater) and many other people I know - so what’s so special about it??  Likewise, the Manic street Preachers tributes - teenage angst and bad drawings; maybe you had to be a fan to get it.  Installing Valerie’s cafe in the gallery was a stroke of brilliance, a humorous touch that actually encouraged interaction and discussion, turning passive viewers into active participants.

I know Ed Hall, the man who makes all of Jeremy Dellers banners, for years he has made banners for free for the organisation I'm part of (Movement for Justice) as well as many family campaigns; banners made for people who have been killed by the police, banners made following the bombing of Brixton, Brick Lane and Soho by fascist David Copeland (striking the hearts of the black, Asian and gay communities in London), somehow Dellers 'engineered' slogans on banners annoyed me - banners are an important and historic part of struggles for freedom, equality, justice and workers rights - Dellers banners are banners for the middle classes - void of the real meaning and history.

I've been known to say that Tracey Emins recent retrospective at the Hayward had spoiled all future exhibitions for me, that the raw emotion I experienced viewing her work (I cried at several points) has never since been replicated.  I did cry twice at Dellers exhibition, firstly at the Miners strike room and secondly at the bombed Iraqi car.  He had done a good job of telling the story of the miners strike and collecting the voices and experiences of those involved.  His display didn't shy away from the fact that it was a systematic and brutal attack by Thatchers government with the aim of destroying the unions by attacking their strongest point, the miners.  Its impossible not to visit that time and feel the emotion, pain and pride of the time.  I only remember the miners strike through the eyes of a very young child, scattered memories and impressions; but its something that shaped for better or worse many people I know and its impact is still felt in the workers movement today.  Likewise, its impossible to stand next to the crushed, rusted and blasted apart remains of an Iraqi car without feeling.... something; personally I felt extreme sadness.

The emotion in these two instances was not the same as what I experienced with the Emin exhibition.  There it was a visceral connection to the artist, here it was more like visiting a museum collection. 

My absolute favourite thing was Dellers most recent work the 3D bats - this was an overwhelming visual experience you have to experience to understand.

Overall I'd say this exhibition is worth a visit for the fact that it is an interesting mixture of art, documentary, humour and personality.  However, I'm still not convinced and continue to be annoyed!

In terms of its relevance to my final piece and the themes I'm exploring, its not much.  I did think that the feeling evoked by the 3D bats was one I aspire to, a sense of wonder and being immersed in an experience.

The death of plan A, B & C...

My original plan for filming on the beach was to wear my 50's swing dress, that had to be scratched because Ive put on so much weight since starting taking steroids for my Sarcoid that it no longer fits.

Then I thought about an anonymous coverall, one of those papery things with hoods that they wear in forensic investigations - this also had to be scrapped because I couldn't find one big enough in time for being in Wales.

So I went with a white hoodie and mask - anonymous.

That would have been fine if when I got to wales I had of thought of the tides, our first trip to the beach you could barely see the sea.

Returning early next morning to Coney beach, Porthcawl, the conditions were perfect.  But as sods law ensures, I spent many minutes filming in and out of the water, freezing my feet off only to realise that though the super 8 camera sounded as though it was working, it in fact, wasn't moving the film at all.  After another period of time trying to fix said camera, we gave up and just took a couple of pictures and a very short film with my little digital compact camera (just to prove that I was there, did try and my tale of woe is true).

I also didn't get to make a test run of one of my projection boxes at my brother and his wife's workshop as they were too busy and I was too run down by all the back and forth to the beach (I also wasn't very well).

All in all, a very unproductive Easter break, though I did see the Jeremy Deller exhibition, wrote up some blog entries and did a projection materials test so it wasn't a total waste.

If I cant get the Super 8 camera working soon I'll have to scrap the Super 8 filming idea because I wont have time to send the film away for processing.  Looks like there will have to be many more plans before this piece comes together.

Here is the little video from the beach (its also on the video/performance page)

The Wedding Dress...

As I think I mentioned in an earlier post, I bought a wedding dress. I think the thought must have been sparked by the numerous women I know who are getting hitched; somehow its entered my system, that childhood urge to posses THE dress. 

Let me be absolutely clear, I have no intention of getting married or entering into a 'civil partnership', I don't feel the need and never have done.  However THE DRESS is another question altogether, something that has haunted me on and off since childhood.  I never got to be a bridesmaid and this was something that made me very sad as a child, I loved the big pouffy white and pastel dresses that weddings forced people to wear - when on earth apart from a wedding would you wear such a thing.  Even now I watch programmes like 'dont tell the bride' and get all teary eyed when the woman tries on the dress. Ridiculous I know, it has to represent some deep seated conflict or programming (I was brought up catholic) or maybe even a sense of loss; I don't know and would probably need to enter therapy to find out!

A wedding dress symbolises so much and means so much to so many women and historically; from the symbolism of white representing purity and virginity (essential in a bride) to the loss of individual self hood (or I'm sure some would see it as a gaining of partnership).  Ive been fascinated by the 'big fat gypsy wedding' series, the enormous production and size of the dress bear a direct relationship to the fact that getting married is THE major life change for traveller women, most of whom do not study or work outside of the home.

For me, on the theme of this project, a wedding dress symbolises a loss of freedom - though I'm aware that others will not feel that way about a wedding dress.  This means its something I have to think further on as to whether I will use it or not.

The dress Ive bought (for the bargain price of £25) is not one I'll ever wear (I could probably fit one calf in to it).  I picked it because it was a simple tulle skirt that I thought would make an excellent projection screen.

Watch this space for projection experimentation on the dress.....

Lips and facial hair...

I'm fascinated by the subject of hair and women, how it is deemed disgusting, dirty, ugly etc to have excessive hair anywhere but on your head.  At the same time, hair on our heads is seen as key to sexual attraction and success, woman spend millions every year on hair care and hair removal - whats it all about? where does it come from? Why the big deal?

Women who dare to bear their under arm hair are vilified and while some woman secretly salute those women's bravery, they would never be able to replicate it.  In the women's movement of the 60's/70's body hair became a prime battle ground with proud, strong women throwing away the razors and defying anyone to challenge them.

Personally my relationship to body hair is conflicted, at times I let the hair grow free at other times I religiously remove it.  Since having to take steroids for an immune system disorder my facial hair has gone wild, growing in all its luxurious curliness!  I find myself stroking my upper lip hair when deep in thought or pulling it when nervous.  I don't feel the need to please men but I'm aware that women are the harshest critics of women with body hair.  I've had no direct negative comments as of yet, about my facial growth, mostly people studiously ignore it - I don't know if I'm pleased or not, I almost want someone to comment negatively on it so that I can throw back a  stunning retort!

Hence my attempt to draw bold and confident attention to the issue, Ive done some test shots of me applying lipstick in an increasingly manic manner - extreme closeups that put my facial hair centre stage.  I'm not sure they will work on a larger projection and I'd need to film it more systematically with better lighting in a studio for maximum effect.  I like the contrast between the extreme femininity of bright red lipstick and the so called masculinity of my facial hair. 

Ive been pondering whether or not to shave my head and film it..... but that's for another time!

(if you cant see the video here, look at the video/performance page of my blog)

My first research interviews, Peckham 31/03/2012

After three attempts I realised something, that if I wanted more than 'sound bites' I was going about things the wrong way.  There is no way that some random stranger I approach on the streets will trust me enough or feel open enough to really think through the questions and answer honestly and deeply.  So for now I'm abandoning this approach.  Instead I will seek out people I know and ask the same questions but lengthen the discussion more.

For interests sake, here's my answers to the soundbite approach...

What does freedom mean to you?

The ability to be exactly who you are without shame, fear, persecution or abuse.

Do you feel free?

Not always, no.

When have you felt most free?

When I'm in the heart of a collective struggle - in the student demonstrations when we took over the streets of London, when I'm confronting abuse or injustice or standing up for myself and others.

Migrations @ Tate Britain

Migrations @ Tate Britain

I was drawn to this exhibition because it fits perfectly with my exploration of migration, immigration - yearning to breathe free.

'Migrations', explores how migration into Britain has shaped the course of art in Britain of the last 500 years; from 16th century Flemish portrait painters to moving image works from the early years of this century.

The most interesting thing to me about the first 3 rooms (16th-19th century) was how much immigrant painters were accepted, encouraged and respected by the authorities (at that time the royal court).  In a time before strict border controls, visas and other assorted hoops to be jumped through it was possible for a struggling artist to find their way to Britain and develop their craft.  Now with strict border controls on any non-European people, it is almost impossible for new young artists to find their way to Britain and establish themselves developing their practice.  The only people who are given visa's are those artists with already established international reputation and sponsorship in the UK.  The work itself in this section of the exhibition was of course accomplished and brilliant but nowhere near as interesting as the art in later rooms.

Jewish Artists, Jewish Art and refugees from Nazi Europe: this was the first room where you started  to see a clear identity emerging from the paintings.  Jewish artists in the early part of the 20th Century started to paint and depict Jewish people and Jewish family life, something normally hidden from view. There was a huge diversity of art in this room with Jewish artists contributing to the emerging modernism; there were two beautiful plastic sculptures by Naum Gabo, balanced, complex forms rendered simple through the use of transparent material. 

It was in 1905 that the Aliens Act was enacted restricting Jewish and other immigration.  Though it wasn't discussed in the exhibition I know that the Jewish community played an important role in the emerging anti-fascist movement; they were clearly enmeshed and played a part in shaping British art as well.  This made me wonder at the lack of Irish art, I realised how few Irish artists I could name (apart from Francis Bacon who though born in Ireland, was practically English).  I know that Irish immigrants have played a pivotal role in British life from worker rights movements to anti fascist movements to Troops Out movements - why isn't this reflected in visual art or is it that Irish artists are overlooked in the art world? Something for me to research further and I will return to it in this blog.

The dematerialised object: this was a wonderful collection of pieces, from David Medalla's bubble machine sculpture (Cloud Canyons) to the video of Gustav Metzingers 'auto destructive' art.  There was a video recreation of an original performance by Metzinger where he stretched nylon on an enormous scaffold opposite St Paul's (interestingly, now the location of Tate Modern).  He proceeded to spray acid onto the fabric, slowly destroying it and revealing St Paul's. I loved the interactive, playful, experimental processes of the artists in this room.  Rasheed Araeens small 'lovers' sculpture was, similar to Gabos work, beautiful simplicity. 

The Lovers

The Lovers is a work that was originally intended to provoke direct interaction by the viewer, asking them to reconfigure the two parts of the sculpture how they wished.  It was an enormous shame that there was a clear "Due to the extreme fragility of the work the viewer is not permitted to move pieces here" sign.  For me that was very sad, how much better the work would have been if we could manipulate it, feel it, take part in it; I wonder why no one has ever thought of simply reconstructing the piece, keeping the original in some mausoleum of storage so its 'preciousness' can be guarded and allowing the viewers to actually experience the work as was intended.  If I sound annoyed, it's because I am.

For me, the stand out work in this exhibition was the video pieces, I took this quote form the exhibition wall:

"If migration, virtual or physical, temporary or ongoing, is increasingly a condition of contemporary life, the moving image is an apt medium for expressing this condition.  It captures motion and is itself endlessly transportable.  It can inhabit multiple forms at any scale or size while its temporal nature allows a picture to develop over time.  As an artwork, it exists only temporarily in the act of projection." 

This made me think about the 'endlessly transportable' sculptural projection screen I'm planning for my final piece and how happy I am to be working with film which I think exactly captures my theme.

I spent about 3 hours in this exhibition, a large part (almost an hour) was spent rapt in the Black Audio Film Collectives 'Harmondsworth Songs' (1986); A pioneering film essay in the aftermath of the riots in London, Liverpool and Birmingham in the 1980's. Sparked by police brutality & racism, the riots were germinated in the racism, cuts and attacks on the working class of the Thatcher era.  I was rapt by this film which weaved together media footage with real voices of the black and Asian communities (though at that time because there was such a strong anti-racist movement there was no such differentiation in the words black & Asian - black was a political term, defined as those non white people who faced racism).  I laughed out loud when one young Asian man stated how the government was willing to spend millions on bidding for the Olympics yet couldn't meet peoples basic needs for employment, education, heath and housing - sound familiar?  You could take directly some of the things being said then and play them in the wake of the recent riots and they would stand true.

Mona Hatoum's 'Measures of Distance' was a moving and powerful piece that combined pictures and text, recordings of conversations with her mother in Palestine with her reading her mothers letters aloud. Mona Hatoum is a Beirut born Palestinian exiled in the UK while her mother remains in Lebanon (where the family escaped to).  This piece was layers, upon, layers upon layers; fragmentation, sorrow and power - it engraved the pain of being exiled, the ache of distance and not knowing where you really belong.

Francis Aylis' 'Railings' (2004) is worth a mention for its simplicity and effectiveness.  Simply walking around various residential squares in London dragging a stick along the railings he created hypnotic increasingly complex sounds.  There was a group of teenagers on a school trip to the gallery who decided to add to the work with their clapping and stamping joyfully adding to the sound.

How Floating Coffins was presented

The final work I'll talk about and what I think was the best thing in this exhibition was a video piece by Zineb Sedira 'Floating coffins' (2009).  Shot in the harbour city of Nouadhibou, West Africa; home to the worlds largest ship graveyard as well as the departure point for West African immigrants hoping to reach the Canary Islands.  Presented on multiple different sized screens, placed from high up to low down with round balls (buoy's?) suspended from the ceiling on rope concealing multiple speakers; this work was as much about the presentation as the video.  From the start you are immersed in sound and visuals, the pictures moving across the screens, sometimes zoomed in on rusty hulls or the sea, at other times presenting a wide view of this haunting location.  Sometimes several images came together to form a bigger picture; my eye was constantly moving, never still , never fixed.

I recently saw a documentary on Hockney and his photography, he talked about his photo collages as forcing the viewer to look as they would normally look on a complex scene - our eyes do not stay fixed, we take in many things at once, looking at detail then the overall scene, then something else.... He felt that traditional photography forced the eye to do something it would not normally do, view something from one static viewpoint.  I was reminded of this with Sedira's work which never allowed my eye to stay still, it was sometimes frustrating because I thought I wanted to zoom in and take in the detail of just one of the beautiful shots, but actually isn't this frustration, constant movement, changing perspective's also part of the experience of migration?  This was a magical work that sent shivers down my spine; all at once beautiful, eerie, sad and full of colour, light and movement.

I'll finish with a quote not from this exhibition but from Don McCullin, whose photographs are on display at Tate Britain:

"Photography isn't looking, its feeling.  If you cant feel what you're looking at then you're never going to get others to feel anything when they look at your pictures"

 Wise words for an artist to live by, whatever the medium.

Postscript:  I did pop in to the Picasso exhibition which was an interesting from an art history perspective but couldn't hold a candle to Migrations for sheer power and impact.  I was disappointed but not surprised that Picasso was packed to the rafters whilst Migrations was virtually empty (nice for me though as I relished being able to leisurely take my time through the exhibition and sit for as long as I liked in front of the video works).

Brainwave in the wee hours... projection surface

BRAINWAVE IN THE WEE HOURS...

I couldn't sleep, tormented by thoughts of how on earth I would display my film in a way that felt right, was meaningful.  My worst nightmare is being trapped in one of those little corner spaces squeezed into the limited space we have in the college for our exhibition.  I know that space will be really limited and I need to be flexible about what space I use.  I also want the projection surface to be a part of the work - further fragmenting my image.

Here is my early hours scribbling...

What I will end up with is 8 boxes that can be configured in different ways, endlessly flexible and movable.  I have to decide on the material to be stretched on the boxes as a projection surface, I'm going to buy a range and experiment with different surfaces.  i might try and incorporate mirrors into the piece, further fragmenting the film and reflecting the viewer.

I also came up with the idea of hooking my old video camera up to an old portable TV, placing the TV behind one of the translucent screens and hiding the camera so that it is pointing at those viewing the work, placing the viewer in the work and alluding to the encroachment on our freedom in terms of Britain's prolific use of CCTV.

I worry that I may be getting far too complex and that the installation of this piece will require stripping back layers of complication to get to a visually clear piece that impacts the viewer.  This worry was confirmed when i started further obsessing about working a wedding dress into the piece as a projection surface!  I'm going to have a lot of ideas and material to play with when installing the final piece.

Ive put in my order for wood with the colleges technician and discussed with her how the boxes would be constructed.  I'd like to have the boxes constructed by the end of April.

Ideas for my video piece

Film Ideas

I have come up with a number of ideas for films which I'm hoping will come together into something that makes sense...

• Using my original underwater self portraits as inspiration, I will film myself in the same way, struggling to stay under water then exploding from the water to catch a breath - sounds of water and breathing.  I'll experiment with my little underwater camera to see if I can get any interesting underwater shots.

• Film close up of me putting bright red lipstick on my lips - I have to take steroids because of an immune system disorder and they make me grow masses of facial hair that Ive been allowing to grow for just this moment!  Challenging gender restrictions, notions of disgust & attraction - why should women be hairless everywhere but their head?  Interestingly, Ive been losing hair on my head while its growing at an alarming rate everywhere else!

• Experiment filming my face & hands underwater with paint as nail varnish & make up so that the water slowly lifts and dissipates the paint into the water.

• On London Bridge in rush hour, all in white, me sitting cross legged with my back to the oncoming hordes of office workers.  Reading the communist manifesto.  Possible a personal space circle in white chalk around me.  This is one of the ideas that could be filmed in Super 8 depending on the light conditions.

• Sandy beach, me in extravagant 50's red dress - walking slowly into the water as far as I can go & back. Possibly Super 8?

• Contorting my body to fit child size spaces - kids playground?

• In same outfit as London Bridge in Trafalgar Square - walk slowly around the lips of the two water fountains.  This could also be Super 8.

Water: Bill Viola & Leonardo

Sometime in the early 2000's, long before I thought I could even make art, I chanced upon Bill Viola's Five Angels for the Millennium in Tate Modern.  It was the most profound experience Id ever had in front of an artwork as an adult up till that moment (discounting seeing the James Martin depictions of Heaven, Hell & Purgatory as a child).

I am always drawn to water, whether still or stormy seas, gentle brooks, raging rivers, waterfalls or still ponds.  Maybe its because most of my childhood homes featured water: In Ireland; Clogga Bay, Arklow (at the mouth of the River Avoca), Brittas Bay, The Meetings of the Water (Avoka).  In Britain, Pimlico (on the bank of the Thames), the King William IV Pub, the place my family returned to 3 times, the main place in London we called home.

I can loose myself staring at water, immersing myself in the sounds and sensations.  Five Angels was like being completely immersed in all of those memories and feelings, it made my breath catch and my heart beat.  I sat in front of each screen several times, loosing track of time and left feeling elevated, lighter; up until that point I could never remember an artists name, that day and ever after, I remembered Bill Viola.

I found a quote from Leonardo DaVinci which expresses the enormity and significance of water wonderfully...

"Water is sometimes sharp and sometimes strong, sometimes acid and sometimes bitter, sometimes sweet and sometimes thick or thin, sometimes it is seen bringing hurt or pestilence, sometime health-giving, sometimes poisonous.

It suffers change into as many natures as are the different places through which it passes. And as the mirror changes with the colour of its subject, so it alters with the nature of the place, becoming noisome, laxative, astringent, sulfurous, salty, incarnadined, mournful, raging, angry, red, yellow, green, black, blue, greasy, fat or slim.

Sometimes it starts a conflagration, sometimes it extinguishes one; is warm and is cold, carries away or sets down, hollows out or builds up, tears or establishes, fills or empties, raises itself or burrows down, speeds or is still; is the cause at times of life or death, or increase or privation, nourishes at times and at others does the contrary; at times has a tang, at times is without savor, sometimes submerging the valleys with great floods. In time and with water, everything changes"

For more on Leonardo and water see: http://witcombe.sbc.edu/water/artleonardo.html

Josiah McElheny at the Whitechapel Gallery

The Past Was A Mirage I'd left behind...

Honestly, the connection of this artists work with the history of the old Passmore Edwards Library (whose shell is now part of the Whitechapel Gallery) and its relationship to the Whitechapel Gallery reading room, was lost on me.  I get the theory (after researching it following my visit); that the former library's facade had unusually large windows for the time and it was to allow light and air into a public building as a 'lantern for learning', a library for all, not just the privileged.  Expressing the aspirations of enlightenment through glass and light. 

Great as all that is, the theory is not remotely important to enjoying this stunning installation.  What confronted me on entering the former reading room of the original Whitechapel library (now a raw brick shell) was amazing refractions of light and colour, my own reflection and the interaction between the seven separate structures and their environment.  Every step I took immersed me in new experiences, I could have spent hours in that room;sitting, standing, walking, looking from every possible angle.  In terms of its relationship to my work, I had been thinking of ways to refract and deconstruct my film through the use of different fabrics and frames; I like the sense of dislocation and immersion it creates.  I left the exhibition excited about the possibilities of combining sculpture and film.

Mc Elheny has constructed wood and projection cloth screens with mirrored panels and placed them throughout the room.  Each screen becomes the repository for a collection of abstract art films (not created by McElheny), endlessly reconfiguring and refracting the films on the different surfaces.  The viewer becomes part of the work, interrupting the projections, reflected and refracted in those same mirrors.

OK, truthfully, I am going to have to do a bit more reading to get my head around the theory and depth behind this work.  It has to do with modernism, the revolutionary potential of art and the failure of the modernist project.  I could regurgitate what Ive been reading; but I promised myself that I would not write anything that I didn't feel I thoroughly understood and could explain so others could understand - I'm not there yet with this work!  Keep checking back for a bit more 'intellectual engagement' with Mc Elhenys work.

Having said all that - go and see this exhibition, its mesmerising!

The Whitechapel Gallery website